What happened.

It is 1 December 2015, and it's been awhile since I have blogged productively. There have been many reasons for this some personal and some around University. I guess I am writing this because I want to clear out my brain and have a fresh start so here goes nothing. 

People who know me personally will be aware of the various issues I have had at University, which I will firstly state are not caused by myself or my actions. 

I signed up to do a PGCE this year,  and I was interviewed and accepted under the subject specialism of my degree in Professional Writing. Between this interview and my enrolment on the course all of the writing courses apart from the degree level course were cancelled. Departments got amalgamated and as a result there was no classes for me to do my placement in.

In order to qualify and pass the PGCE you have to complete 100 hours within a placement and show progression and write exams or assignments and schemes of work. After a general piss around for three weeks they put me in a placement which was predictably unsuitable and that they were aware I could not teach in. 

I complained and campaigned for a better more suitable placement to no avail and I wasn't even acknowledged by various departments and people I had contacted for help. I held out for as long as I could but in the end I was teaching people subjects that I had no qualifications or experience in. I was unable to be effective for them and the experience was taking a serious toll on my health. I had concerns that I was not giving the students I was teaching the experience they deserved. In most cases I was learning things the night before and teaching it to them the next day. 

As a result of the lack of communication and the undefined responsibilities I actually had, things snowballed from bad to worse. 

Eventually the university admitted that they were aware I could not teach who I was placed with. They even admitted it was unfair to put me in that position in the first place. Despite this, And after a long fight for what I perceived to be justice, nothing had improved. 

The general attitude towards me from other members of staff was increasingly hostile, and I was feeling pretty helpless at that point. 

During my plight, I spoke to various people who told me that 3 students on the PGCE last year were also forced to withdraw as a result of placement unsuitability. That is three potential teachers they have lost, and three students who paid for an education themselves that they did not get. 

Although this news shocked me, I can't say that I am surprised. I was horrified to learn that other people had suffered but in a selfish way I was relieved to not be the only one. 

I had some close friends on the PGCE who understood the position I was in but many people, fellow trainees, labelled me as a trouble causer. They said I was out for attention and that I was being unreasonable, my tutor would often ask how the placement was going and I would have to make a joke on how cluelessly lost I was. The reality of course was that none of the joke was false, or taken out of context. I was lost. 

We were all told so many times that to be a teacher you have to be versatile, and be prepared for situations like covering the occasional lesson. But my situation went far beyond that, I would happily cover lessons but I was routinely left unsupervised with people who deserved a teacher with at least one relevant associated qualification. My feelings were hurt by the general consensus in that classroom. This made the whole situation even more isolating for me. 

After seeking independent legal advice I decided to withdraw. 

Which in basic terms means I left. I am not the kind of person to give up easily, but I am also not stupid enough to stay in a situation where I am being ignored, mistreated and lied to, continuously. I fully accept that my case may be an isolated incident, however, I know that there are other people still on that course in the same situation I was in.  

The decision to leave was crushing because I did not want to give up, but the rational part of my mind recognises that I had very few options left. I have not given up on being a teacher, I have just given up on that University. 

It is a week later now, and the relief has finally kicked in. I can now sleep at night without torturing myself over how I'm supposed to cope left unsupervised in lessons I know very little about. I now wake up in the morning and do not dread leaving my house. I can't begin to tell you how good it feels.

My confidence has taken a bashing from September till now, but I have been through worse and I know I can build myself back up again. 

I do plan to revisit teaching in the future, once I am ready to do so. For anybody considering a teaching career I thoroughly recommend it, just be sure to do your research on your university beforehand, and if possible, source a placement independent to them, depending on your subject specialism. 

(This blog post is an account of my experiences. All thoughts and opinions expressed are entirely my own) 

University is overwhelming

I have been a student for the past three years and I have been lucky enough to have a relatively enjoyable experience. My tutors all delivered exactly what I expected, I got the grades I wanted and I had creative control over my choices. 

When it came to choosing to enter a 4th year of study I didn't hesitate to sign up. How naive I was! 

My expectation of structure and stability and consistency was about to be shattered and evaporated, leaving a residue of hope that at some point I would get some answers. 

I enrolled on to a PGCE (level 7) because I wanted to share this joyous three years of experience with new students. I wanted to inspire and help them on their individual learning journey. I had high hopes of being part of somebody else's creative process. 

Now in hindsight,  I should have recalled my first FE experience on animal care, when I was asked why I wanted to do the course I said; 

"I want to save all the animals and stop animal cruelty" 

Now this statement is admittidly ambitious and unrealistic, but it is also completely accurate to my aims and expectations of enrolling on that course. 

I learned some basic skills of care and handling (how to pick up various animals etc) but I was crushed with disappointment at the end of the year , when I was just the same teenager in a band Tshirt and beat up converse, no richer in power for my educational experience despite my dedication to my 

original aim of saving every animal ever. 

The same could be said for my PGCE.  In the first week the following errors occurred. Starting with the most challenging;

1. The course I had enrolled to teach for - was cancelled and no longer running.

2. No other courses in my specialist subject were running either. 

3. I had no mentor (responsible for you person) for a good two weeks

4.  No access to resources 

5.  Issues with placement 

6.  I wasn't getting replies from anybody I contacted to try and solve these problems. 

It wasn't until the SMT twigged on to how in distress I was that anything was resolved.

Within a week I was given a mentor, resources and lessons to teach which are  connected to my qualifications. So after two weeks of incredible stress everything was fixed almost overnight. 

Which begs the question, why couldn't it have been sorted originally?...

Having asked this question I got told  that I had to be versatile to be a teacher, and FE education (where I am based) is constantly changing anyway. Therefore I needed to be open to change and adaptable in my approach.

Although all of these statements are true , I am still unsure of how they answer my question. Or if in fact, they answer it at all? 

The work and the placements have made blogging difficult as my time is now stretched thinner than before. But I felt it was an important and justifiable post. 

If you are considering a PGCE specifically or any form of teacher training I would recommend considering these pointers; 

- Source your own Placement. By taking ownership of this responsibility you have control. This is important as this is where practical teaching takes place. 

- Ask a lot of questions at interview stages. Know exactly what they expect of you and what they can ACTUALLY offer you. Don't be fobbed off with excuses or contacts. 

- Make sure the providers of the PGCE meet your needs too. You are a client as much as any other student. 

- Consider your employment, the course demands time for assignments ontop

Of lesson planning, evaluations,

Reflections, marking, grading and assessments. It is a big commitment that demands a lot of time. 

- Read widely and use your initiative. Most teaching thirty lessons are 1 lesson a week, and once everyone has asked loads of questions and opened discussions those lessons fly past. If further understanding is required go watch a tutorial on YouTube, talk to other colleagues or students, read, observe etc. 

- Review other courses to make sure this is for you. Petals, lavender and teach first are other paths into this career which can work better for some people with different circumstances. Some of these courses offer Part time oppertunities also. 

Most of all, know your needs and expectations. Identify your own personal ambitions and challenge yourself to achieve them in the best environment for you. 

I do not regret enrolling  on my PGCE but it has been and continues to be a challenge of will, strength and determination. 

It takes more than good grades to be a teacher. I am only a few weeks in but I will blog more about this as a process in due course. The challenge is the hardest but best element of teaching for me, constantly having to be 100% on point. 

Could you do it? 

-

Time to Waste

Yesterday was the first time in a long while I had some free time. Actual time where nothing was on a deadline or when my time was promised to anyone else. 

Time to waste is not only an excellent song title. It's also exactly what I wanted to do. So much of my time is dictated by schedules, timetables and rota's. For once if I wanted to waste my time - I could! But it comes with the fear of not being productive enough, because I don't know when the next oppertunity to have free time will come up. 

There is a lot of self doubt at the preposterousness of this rationalisation. 

I felt guilty at the prospect of being able to be a little self indulgent, but I needed to have that time to really recharge my body and brain. 

It's been a busy few weeks and I've done what I always do, plough on through and work hard, even when I have a lot on my plate already. 

It did catch up with me and I have been flagging these past few days. 

So anyway, what did I do with my spare time you ask? 

I baked Florentines, I walked Alfie Moon (yep he is named after him, no I don't regret it) and I bought a magazine - something I try to consciously NOT do. I allowed it on this occasion because this semester I'm teaching writing for advertising so it seemed like legit research... 

I considered going swimming, or tackling the ridiculous wardrobe situation - it's like a clothes edition of Jenga/Kerplunk in there...

But I didn't once feel okay about any of my day "off". I felt like I was being really selfish just because free time is SO precious now. I made it productive, I did my errands and I painted my nails and wasted time watching Catfish and CSI. But I felt this overwhelming pressure to be somewhere else - work maybe or uni - and I couldn't fully enjoy it at all. 

Yet when I'm somewhere else, busy and stressed, I long for a day like yesterday. I sit and think how much money I'd pay to have a PA for a day to do all my jobs for me so I could have a "leisure day". Surely I'm not the only one? 

I made some decisions. Which I hope will help change my mindset on this issue... 

1. Quality time cannot and should not be measured by the amount of things you cram into one day/afternoon/hour.

2. Value yourself - you deserve the time to do everything OR nothing. 

3. Do not feel compelled to justify or defend your actions to others IRL or on social media. It's your choice. 

4. Make the time work for you. If you can enjoy one hour but not a full day - have the best hour ever doing whatever you want, write, crochet, cartwheels - you get the idea. 

5. It's okay to feel bad or guilty about having time spare. It's just time, it comes it goes. Just appreciate it whilst it lasts. 

I ended up spending a lot of the day panicked about not being productive enough to tell people what I did on my day off. And whatever I said didn't sound like it was substantial for a full day of relaxation and organisation. 

The whole thing was ridiculous but looking back on it it was all completely real and raw to me. Sometimes less is more, and the less time I have spare the more I feel like I need it. Which is what made me evaluate my needs in deeper context, both financially, practically and emotionally. I feel clearer for writing today and the Florentines were pretty delicious.

Plus I now feel like I could be a super sleuth like Nev and Max or Horatio... 

Watch this space!  

I guess what I am trying to say is that time to yourself is important no matter who you are or what you do. We all need time to recharge and reflect. While I'm still learning how to manage and enjoy my spare time, I know it's something I will eventually master. And you should too, or maybe you already can? 

Make time and value yourself. 

You deserve it. 

Visiting The Jungle Zoo , Cleethorpes

After studying animal welfare at college I am usually fairly sceptical of attractions like this, small animal collections which do not usually benefit from the support of larger organisations and charities. But The Jungle was a pleasant surprise. 

On a rainy Saturday in Cleethorpes my daughter announced she needed to meet  a 'tortlouse' today. I remembered visiting The Jungle when it opened years ago and in the hopes it was still there, we set off. There is lots of parking available (although you do have to pay for it) and it is accessible from local bus routes without too much extra walking. 

Admission was £4.00 for adults and slightly less for children. Upon entry several blue Macaws were ready to greet us with hellos and bobbing dancing. 

We then met the desired tortlouse or tortoise to you and me. 

( the glass made it hard to get a good photograph ) 

We then found nobody in the tank next door, but a note which said the rhinoceros iguana was on its daily stroll - and you can go say hi and give him a stroke! 

He was very friendly but entirely unsupervised by staff from to zoo - worth noting if you are visiting with toddlers and small children. 

The main body of the zoo was really humid and at the tropical temperatures required by the various birds inside. 

Outside, we found chipmunks which you could feed. 

 

This is again unsupervised but the bars are small enough for a small finger to get through, take caution with excited young children. 

The Zoo also had more domestic animals like these guinea pigs, chickens, a goat and a pig! 

We also found some meerkats, by far my favourite animals of the day! Mothers and babies on century duty. They had an open enclosure and lots of tunnels to hide in. 

Opposite these guys was a large enclosure with two monkeys in, who threw all their toys around a lot, needless to say we didn't stop there too long incase they ran out of toys to throw ... 

The next enclosure housed a large raccoon 

And further round the corner we found two ring tailed lemurs huddling from the rain. 

Seen as it was raining, we headed inside to the reptile house. 

They had Alligators and large snakes as well as several Creepy Crawlies. 

Overall we spent just over an hour at the zoo, there weren't any demonstrations or talks about the animals, much of the Zoo is unsupervised which makes it feel more like a collection. When I did find someone who worked there, they told me that many of the animals are donated by people who bought them as exotic pets and could no longer care for them when they reached adulthood. 

The animals are all clearly cared for and fed, the admission was reasonable and it isn't hard to get to. The Jungle Zoo was a good afternoon out for us but could use a few more attractions to make the experience a little more interactive and educational. 

The Big Mop Chop

Like many people, I grow my hair, enjoy it for a short period of time, run out of ideas, get fed up with it taking an hour to dry. You get the picture. Inevitably I get a annual short cut. 

Here is my before photo...

Occasionally I drive home with my sunnies on, in tears of instant remorse for the cut. But this time I actually really like it. I had about 6 inches off and kept my full fringe for now. 

This was how the hairdresser styled it, with a diffuser. Here's what it looked like after ...

This is how I have it day to day. Dried naturally with a little serum on to control frizz. 

It's so light and easy and most importantly - low maintenance. I do miss the length and I feel very exposed without hiding behind my hair. But it's takes around 15 mins to dry and style now, which is a huge improvement.

I'm planning to do some more posts on how short hair doesn't mean you have less options. 

 

So keep checking the blog out for tutorials and let me know if you have any requests for updo's or specific styles. 

:) x 

Visiting Waltham Windmill

As you probably know by now I am really passionate about supporting local businesses around my hometown community. 

Last weekend we headed out to Waltham Windmill, a windmill with shops, play areas, a museum and an impressive restaurant. I mentioned the windmill in a previous post "Visiting Wren and Ivy" and thought this would be a good oppertunity to show some of the other attractions at the Windmill Site. 

This weekend they had a locomotive day and ran the miniature railway, which has been there since I was a little girl (20 something years ago). The trains are run and maintained by a team of dedicated volunteers and enthusiasts who tirelessly give their time to provide train rides for children for 60p a go. 

We went to the railway cafe for a light lunch 

We also visited a traditional sweet shop, my daughter got some snowies! And refused to share... 

Lastly we visited the Museum of Rural Life, In Lincolnshire this is largely connected to the Lincolnshire bomber piolets in the RAF. 

The Museum is incredibly old and slightly creepy (without stating the obvious!) but it hasn't changed at all since I came as a youngster. 

Here are some snaps 

There is so much to see and do here and you can even buy flour from the windmill itself. The museum runs entirely on donations and volunteers, as does the railway. We all had a great day out and got some culture too. 

Some writing tips

I really didn't plan to write about writing, because it is so subjective. 

You can't tell an artist a picture is good or bad because you don't understand or appreciate it. The same rules apply for many creative professions, but there are some things I found were really useful in my experience as a writer so far, that I wanted to pass on. I'm no expert, just a girl with some ideas looking to share some knowledge. 

One of the biggest assumptions people make when they ask me about writing is; that anyone can write - it's the story that bares the skill - not the writer. 

Although I don't agree with this entirely, the story or plot in any case has to be substantial to make a good piece of writing. However that is also relying on the assumption that all writing is solely observation based. Whilst this contributes to a large portion of my writing it is dangerous to rely completely on events you have seen first hand for inspiration.  

Primary research is hugely valid but often more to base characters on or to help add depth and description to fictional people or places. 

A good writer is able to imagine invent and contextualise plots of their own original creation. Which is not something EVERYONE can do well.

Here is my best piece of advice to any fellow writers - 

Constantly challenge yourself. 

If you don't, your writing will eventually become complacent, dull and less effective. In the competitive world of publishing it is essential to be current, and to know what is current. 

1. News - watch it a constantly changing story machine. Occasionally tabloid newspapers provide some ridiculous Gems that beg to be written about. News is important not only for inspiration - but for information. Market trends and bestsellers often make the headlines and it is important to know who's at the top and what they are writing about. 

2. Books - often have interesting information regarding publishing and even writers magazines have some useful articles on being self-employed, some even have writing jobs posted in them and profiles on writers which can be very interesting.

 

3. Competitions - pageant of the writing world - challenge your genre, write for other genres and in other styles, a good way to network and become recognised. 

4. Peer review - A hugely underestimated but valuable element of being a writer which can often be a very solitary profession, writers groups or online forums are a good place to share ideas are work and get feedback as well as people you may know as long as they are going to give you an honest opinion and not sugarcoat something in order to not mislead your feelings. This is a good way of testing whether or not an idea actually works or whether it works only in your head. 

5. Library's - read new stuff for free - support local recourses and add to your knowledge! Also good for networking with other writers/groups! 

6. Plan - make plans for stories or non fiction, sometimes ideas for pieces strike us when we don't have time to complete them, make notes and head back to them when you have the time to write. 

7. Observe - primary research! Observe everything and challenge your own perspectives. Just this morning I overheard a couple arguing on whether getting really angry during breastfeeding makes your breastmilk fizzy? Yep. Comedy gold. 

8. Schedule - don't waste time, but MAKE time to write for an hour a day, In the evening before bed or before everyone else gets up in the morning. This can be a very cathartic exercise and also keeps your brain actively working and creating. 

9. Consider professional training such as university or an evening course in writing, this is that essential but can provide some valuable industry experience from professionals already in the field, I completed my degree in professional writing and found the experience life changing. It helped me find my own style and realise my message. Although this isn't an essential element of being a writer it is worth considering if you are in a position to do so. 

10. Lastly, a piece of advice from a man who taught me everything about writing at university, "write what you like, failing that, write what you know". Expanding your repertoire is important but so is writing about what you know, fly fishing, baking or fantasy elves. It's all good! So  expand what you know and write about it.

August Wish List

August is undoubtably a summer month, but many retailers being out their A/W lines around this time, here are two of my favourites. 

Ocean Green Kanken Classic - available at ilovemykanken.com £70 

I already have several of these bags but I cannot resist this beauty. Firstly my entire room is this colour, which I love! And secondly I use a Kanken daily and adding this colour to my collection is only going to be an excellent decision. 

Kanken often have offers on and currently they have 15% off with code-  bonus15 at the checkout. 

My second find - and a favourite brand of mine, it's got to be Dr Martens. 

These shoes are part of the new A/W line for 2015 and I was instantly in love. My only hope is that they aren't too pointy in person! Available at Drmartens.com for £115. 

I would wear these all the time with anything! My new job in September needs me to wear flat shoes (I'm on my feet all day) and I think these would make excellent feature piece in any outfit. 

Autumn is my favourite season, and I am now making a conscious effort to buy more "season transferable" pieces. 

Which I believe these two are! So hurry up payday... 

Rain City - Chest tattoo reworked.

My chest piece was the first BIG tattoo I got, as an ambitious 18 year old with hard earned wages to burn. 

This tattoo was the first I got from tattoo artist Gre Hale. Over the next six years I visited various shops he worked in, adding to my collection of body art.

I loved the design , to this day I love it. But six years on, it's in need of a little maintenance work. Pregnancy, weight gain/loss and general sun / ageing damage have affected my chest piece. 

This photo was taken before I got my chest relined. 

The roses, butterflies and throat flower are all relatively new (2015) which has added to the contrast between my newer and older pieces. The photo shows how the colours although well preserved do show signs of fading - as all tattoos will eventually. 

Gre who made this chest piece, saw a picture of it recently and offered to reline/shade it so that the tattoos all fit together a little better. 

So I headed off to Manchester, Rain City tattoo where Gre currently works. 

It really really hurt. Way worse than I had prepared myself for. I now idea how my 18 year old self coped. I winced and whined for just over 2 hours. 

I am beyond happy with the result, the tattoo is now as defined as my other pieces and all I had was relining and shading. I am waiting to see how the tattoo heals and settles before deciding on weather to redo the colour as well. 

I have had a lot of cover ups over my tattoos over the years but I did not want to part with my chest piece, it means so much to me and it was properly tattooed in the first place which meant I only required a two hour sitting to give me exactly what I wanted. I would urge anyone to consider reworking a tattoo before jumping to a coverup. 

Speaking as someone who has had both, it obviously depends on many different factors and is very specific to each individual/tattoo. 

Healed photos to come in a few weeks time! 

Making Grape Pops

I wanted to find a snack that was healthy and fun for myself and my 3 year old. She loves making food with me and enjoys eating it more if she's had a part to play in its construction. 

Here is our take on cake pops - grape pops ! Fresh and easy to make without the fuss of baking. 

You will need;

- Grapes

- Cocktail sticks

- 1 bar of chocolate to melt

- Sprinkles 

- A vegetable to stand the sticks in 

Firstly melt the chocolate over boiling water 

Stir the chocolate until it has melted completely. Keep little hands away for this part! 

I started by putting the cocktail sticks in the grapes and dipping them in the chocolate for her to then dip in the sprinkles. For easiness I separated the sprinkles into cupcake pots. 

The grape pops need to be upright to set, so we used a cucumber cut in half and a potato. 

They are that simple. Stand them in the fridge for around 30 mins or a little longer if you like a crunch ! Makes these vegan by using dark chocolate instead of milk. Try another delicious alternative by replacing grapes for strawberries 

Give them a try with your little ones! Ours didn't last long, but everyone loved them