After nursery adventures

Seen as its a new year, 2016, (and il be banging on about it until February) I wanted to do something different after I picked my 4YO from nursery.

On a Friday, we would usually be doing a food shop or visiting grandparents but in the drizzle of the rain she announced she wanted to go exploring. 

The dog was in the car along with our wellies, blankets and big coats. We headed for the beach because it's one of the best features of living here. 

We played in rock Pools, we ran on the sand, we fell over! we laughed until we cried. 

I'm so glad we went, it was a welcome change to our little routine and I can see how much she enjoyed it. 

I will definitely make more time for little adventures like this in the future. 

It's 2016!

As usual Christmas is a chaotically pleasant time of the year, when you get surprise visits from friends and family you haven't seen since the year before - let alone planned to exchange gifts with. It's a time for mass buying, overeating, watching films on TV (despite the fact you've had it in DVD for years and not had the slightest inclination to watch it) and those delightfully corny novelty Christmas jumpers. 

This year I was lucky enough to evade the whole saga of secret Santa (thank goodness) but still ended up overbuying for my daughter and various others. 

My dad and new stepmother had chosen particularly interesting gifts for me this year, a cardigan with black fur edging - which could have easily been animal pubes, and a orange metal watch (not that lovely copper tone - think lollipop lady cyborg) which I almost got both wrists in. It would act as an eccentric Flava Flave belt for an infant. 

I know Christmas is not just about presents. But as an atheist - it isn't about "the story" for me. My family are scattered across the uk and do not function excessively well together, so it's lots of visiting and eating and wine and gifts and telly for us. That's how we seem to like it. 

I think next year I won't start shopping so early, so I don't over buy and then lose the presents - replace them only to find the original lost ones later... 

Not all my presents were diabolical - I got some lovely smellies and the obligatory pyjama sets I use all year round. So that was pretty good! 

Predictably I am completely awed by the fact Christmas, the timeless zone in the middle and new year went by in a blur and I will be dating things with the year 15 until May time when it finally clicks... 

Retail work means very little time off (Christmas Day) but I did enjoy the holiday season with my family - when I was actually not at work! 

I always make resolutions but rarely feel the need to stick to them - making them is enough right? 

Anyway, it's time to make some positive changes - in place of my usual abandoned resolutions. 

Here is my list thus far : 

1. Spend less time on social media - ironically posted on a blog but I know I want to stop trying to capture moments in life and just enjoy them and live them in real time, without seeing them through an iPhone screen. 

2. Read all half finished novels - and donate to charity or give them to friends . Books are best shared, and I've had my fair share of them from charity shops so I feel it's important to give back.

3. Learn a new recipe every month - ideally it would be weekly but with my hours it seems unlikely to be as possible as a monthly one, plus a meal a month  can be perfected and adapted over that time! 

4. Take better care of myself, physically emotionally and mentally - 2015 took a huge chunk of confidence and self worth from me. I know by getting fitter and by not allowing people who don't deserve my time, in my life, I will get that part of me back and stronger than ever. 

5. Stop comparing myself to other people - so hard to do but something I'm really aware of - I am doing things my way and that's fine. My body is my own my choices are mine to make. Be unapologetically myself. 

6. Make time - watch less tv and do something productive instead. Reading or writing or even knitting!

7. Do not, under any circumstances, cut the fringe back in - weeks and months growing it out! Think of the in between phase where it just stabs you in the eye unless you cave and do a pompadour thingy with a million Bobby pins. Let's not go back there. 

I think these changes will really help me

Focus on the good things and continue to improve my way of thinking. I'm determined to make 2016 the best yet! Optimistically on it 🔥

What happened.

It is 1 December 2015, and it's been awhile since I have blogged productively. There have been many reasons for this some personal and some around University. I guess I am writing this because I want to clear out my brain and have a fresh start so here goes nothing. 

People who know me personally will be aware of the various issues I have had at University, which I will firstly state are not caused by myself or my actions. 

I signed up to do a PGCE this year,  and I was interviewed and accepted under the subject specialism of my degree in Professional Writing. Between this interview and my enrolment on the course all of the writing courses apart from the degree level course were cancelled. Departments got amalgamated and as a result there was no classes for me to do my placement in.

In order to qualify and pass the PGCE you have to complete 100 hours within a placement and show progression and write exams or assignments and schemes of work. After a general piss around for three weeks they put me in a placement which was predictably unsuitable and that they were aware I could not teach in. 

I complained and campaigned for a better more suitable placement to no avail and I wasn't even acknowledged by various departments and people I had contacted for help. I held out for as long as I could but in the end I was teaching people subjects that I had no qualifications or experience in. I was unable to be effective for them and the experience was taking a serious toll on my health. I had concerns that I was not giving the students I was teaching the experience they deserved. In most cases I was learning things the night before and teaching it to them the next day. 

As a result of the lack of communication and the undefined responsibilities I actually had, things snowballed from bad to worse. 

Eventually the university admitted that they were aware I could not teach who I was placed with. They even admitted it was unfair to put me in that position in the first place. Despite this, And after a long fight for what I perceived to be justice, nothing had improved. 

The general attitude towards me from other members of staff was increasingly hostile, and I was feeling pretty helpless at that point. 

During my plight, I spoke to various people who told me that 3 students on the PGCE last year were also forced to withdraw as a result of placement unsuitability. That is three potential teachers they have lost, and three students who paid for an education themselves that they did not get. 

Although this news shocked me, I can't say that I am surprised. I was horrified to learn that other people had suffered but in a selfish way I was relieved to not be the only one. 

I had some close friends on the PGCE who understood the position I was in but many people, fellow trainees, labelled me as a trouble causer. They said I was out for attention and that I was being unreasonable, my tutor would often ask how the placement was going and I would have to make a joke on how cluelessly lost I was. The reality of course was that none of the joke was false, or taken out of context. I was lost. 

We were all told so many times that to be a teacher you have to be versatile, and be prepared for situations like covering the occasional lesson. But my situation went far beyond that, I would happily cover lessons but I was routinely left unsupervised with people who deserved a teacher with at least one relevant associated qualification. My feelings were hurt by the general consensus in that classroom. This made the whole situation even more isolating for me. 

After seeking independent legal advice I decided to withdraw. 

Which in basic terms means I left. I am not the kind of person to give up easily, but I am also not stupid enough to stay in a situation where I am being ignored, mistreated and lied to, continuously. I fully accept that my case may be an isolated incident, however, I know that there are other people still on that course in the same situation I was in.  

The decision to leave was crushing because I did not want to give up, but the rational part of my mind recognises that I had very few options left. I have not given up on being a teacher, I have just given up on that University. 

It is a week later now, and the relief has finally kicked in. I can now sleep at night without torturing myself over how I'm supposed to cope left unsupervised in lessons I know very little about. I now wake up in the morning and do not dread leaving my house. I can't begin to tell you how good it feels.

My confidence has taken a bashing from September till now, but I have been through worse and I know I can build myself back up again. 

I do plan to revisit teaching in the future, once I am ready to do so. For anybody considering a teaching career I thoroughly recommend it, just be sure to do your research on your university beforehand, and if possible, source a placement independent to them, depending on your subject specialism. 

(This blog post is an account of my experiences. All thoughts and opinions expressed are entirely my own) 

University is overwhelming

I have been a student for the past three years and I have been lucky enough to have a relatively enjoyable experience. My tutors all delivered exactly what I expected, I got the grades I wanted and I had creative control over my choices. 

When it came to choosing to enter a 4th year of study I didn't hesitate to sign up. How naive I was! 

My expectation of structure and stability and consistency was about to be shattered and evaporated, leaving a residue of hope that at some point I would get some answers. 

I enrolled on to a PGCE (level 7) because I wanted to share this joyous three years of experience with new students. I wanted to inspire and help them on their individual learning journey. I had high hopes of being part of somebody else's creative process. 

Now in hindsight,  I should have recalled my first FE experience on animal care, when I was asked why I wanted to do the course I said; 

"I want to save all the animals and stop animal cruelty" 

Now this statement is admittidly ambitious and unrealistic, but it is also completely accurate to my aims and expectations of enrolling on that course. 

I learned some basic skills of care and handling (how to pick up various animals etc) but I was crushed with disappointment at the end of the year , when I was just the same teenager in a band Tshirt and beat up converse, no richer in power for my educational experience despite my dedication to my 

original aim of saving every animal ever. 

The same could be said for my PGCE.  In the first week the following errors occurred. Starting with the most challenging;

1. The course I had enrolled to teach for - was cancelled and no longer running.

2. No other courses in my specialist subject were running either. 

3. I had no mentor (responsible for you person) for a good two weeks

4.  No access to resources 

5.  Issues with placement 

6.  I wasn't getting replies from anybody I contacted to try and solve these problems. 

It wasn't until the SMT twigged on to how in distress I was that anything was resolved.

Within a week I was given a mentor, resources and lessons to teach which are  connected to my qualifications. So after two weeks of incredible stress everything was fixed almost overnight. 

Which begs the question, why couldn't it have been sorted originally?...

Having asked this question I got told  that I had to be versatile to be a teacher, and FE education (where I am based) is constantly changing anyway. Therefore I needed to be open to change and adaptable in my approach.

Although all of these statements are true , I am still unsure of how they answer my question. Or if in fact, they answer it at all? 

The work and the placements have made blogging difficult as my time is now stretched thinner than before. But I felt it was an important and justifiable post. 

If you are considering a PGCE specifically or any form of teacher training I would recommend considering these pointers; 

- Source your own Placement. By taking ownership of this responsibility you have control. This is important as this is where practical teaching takes place. 

- Ask a lot of questions at interview stages. Know exactly what they expect of you and what they can ACTUALLY offer you. Don't be fobbed off with excuses or contacts. 

- Make sure the providers of the PGCE meet your needs too. You are a client as much as any other student. 

- Consider your employment, the course demands time for assignments ontop

Of lesson planning, evaluations,

Reflections, marking, grading and assessments. It is a big commitment that demands a lot of time. 

- Read widely and use your initiative. Most teaching thirty lessons are 1 lesson a week, and once everyone has asked loads of questions and opened discussions those lessons fly past. If further understanding is required go watch a tutorial on YouTube, talk to other colleagues or students, read, observe etc. 

- Review other courses to make sure this is for you. Petals, lavender and teach first are other paths into this career which can work better for some people with different circumstances. Some of these courses offer Part time oppertunities also. 

Most of all, know your needs and expectations. Identify your own personal ambitions and challenge yourself to achieve them in the best environment for you. 

I do not regret enrolling  on my PGCE but it has been and continues to be a challenge of will, strength and determination. 

It takes more than good grades to be a teacher. I am only a few weeks in but I will blog more about this as a process in due course. The challenge is the hardest but best element of teaching for me, constantly having to be 100% on point. 

Could you do it? 

-

Time to Waste

Yesterday was the first time in a long while I had some free time. Actual time where nothing was on a deadline or when my time was promised to anyone else. 

Time to waste is not only an excellent song title. It's also exactly what I wanted to do. So much of my time is dictated by schedules, timetables and rota's. For once if I wanted to waste my time - I could! But it comes with the fear of not being productive enough, because I don't know when the next oppertunity to have free time will come up. 

There is a lot of self doubt at the preposterousness of this rationalisation. 

I felt guilty at the prospect of being able to be a little self indulgent, but I needed to have that time to really recharge my body and brain. 

It's been a busy few weeks and I've done what I always do, plough on through and work hard, even when I have a lot on my plate already. 

It did catch up with me and I have been flagging these past few days. 

So anyway, what did I do with my spare time you ask? 

I baked Florentines, I walked Alfie Moon (yep he is named after him, no I don't regret it) and I bought a magazine - something I try to consciously NOT do. I allowed it on this occasion because this semester I'm teaching writing for advertising so it seemed like legit research... 

I considered going swimming, or tackling the ridiculous wardrobe situation - it's like a clothes edition of Jenga/Kerplunk in there...

But I didn't once feel okay about any of my day "off". I felt like I was being really selfish just because free time is SO precious now. I made it productive, I did my errands and I painted my nails and wasted time watching Catfish and CSI. But I felt this overwhelming pressure to be somewhere else - work maybe or uni - and I couldn't fully enjoy it at all. 

Yet when I'm somewhere else, busy and stressed, I long for a day like yesterday. I sit and think how much money I'd pay to have a PA for a day to do all my jobs for me so I could have a "leisure day". Surely I'm not the only one? 

I made some decisions. Which I hope will help change my mindset on this issue... 

1. Quality time cannot and should not be measured by the amount of things you cram into one day/afternoon/hour.

2. Value yourself - you deserve the time to do everything OR nothing. 

3. Do not feel compelled to justify or defend your actions to others IRL or on social media. It's your choice. 

4. Make the time work for you. If you can enjoy one hour but not a full day - have the best hour ever doing whatever you want, write, crochet, cartwheels - you get the idea. 

5. It's okay to feel bad or guilty about having time spare. It's just time, it comes it goes. Just appreciate it whilst it lasts. 

I ended up spending a lot of the day panicked about not being productive enough to tell people what I did on my day off. And whatever I said didn't sound like it was substantial for a full day of relaxation and organisation. 

The whole thing was ridiculous but looking back on it it was all completely real and raw to me. Sometimes less is more, and the less time I have spare the more I feel like I need it. Which is what made me evaluate my needs in deeper context, both financially, practically and emotionally. I feel clearer for writing today and the Florentines were pretty delicious.

Plus I now feel like I could be a super sleuth like Nev and Max or Horatio... 

Watch this space!  

I guess what I am trying to say is that time to yourself is important no matter who you are or what you do. We all need time to recharge and reflect. While I'm still learning how to manage and enjoy my spare time, I know it's something I will eventually master. And you should too, or maybe you already can? 

Make time and value yourself. 

You deserve it. 

Visiting The Jungle Zoo , Cleethorpes

After studying animal welfare at college I am usually fairly sceptical of attractions like this, small animal collections which do not usually benefit from the support of larger organisations and charities. But The Jungle was a pleasant surprise. 

On a rainy Saturday in Cleethorpes my daughter announced she needed to meet  a 'tortlouse' today. I remembered visiting The Jungle when it opened years ago and in the hopes it was still there, we set off. There is lots of parking available (although you do have to pay for it) and it is accessible from local bus routes without too much extra walking. 

Admission was £4.00 for adults and slightly less for children. Upon entry several blue Macaws were ready to greet us with hellos and bobbing dancing. 

We then met the desired tortlouse or tortoise to you and me. 

( the glass made it hard to get a good photograph ) 

We then found nobody in the tank next door, but a note which said the rhinoceros iguana was on its daily stroll - and you can go say hi and give him a stroke! 

He was very friendly but entirely unsupervised by staff from to zoo - worth noting if you are visiting with toddlers and small children. 

The main body of the zoo was really humid and at the tropical temperatures required by the various birds inside. 

Outside, we found chipmunks which you could feed. 

 

This is again unsupervised but the bars are small enough for a small finger to get through, take caution with excited young children. 

The Zoo also had more domestic animals like these guinea pigs, chickens, a goat and a pig! 

We also found some meerkats, by far my favourite animals of the day! Mothers and babies on century duty. They had an open enclosure and lots of tunnels to hide in. 

Opposite these guys was a large enclosure with two monkeys in, who threw all their toys around a lot, needless to say we didn't stop there too long incase they ran out of toys to throw ... 

The next enclosure housed a large raccoon 

And further round the corner we found two ring tailed lemurs huddling from the rain. 

Seen as it was raining, we headed inside to the reptile house. 

They had Alligators and large snakes as well as several Creepy Crawlies. 

Overall we spent just over an hour at the zoo, there weren't any demonstrations or talks about the animals, much of the Zoo is unsupervised which makes it feel more like a collection. When I did find someone who worked there, they told me that many of the animals are donated by people who bought them as exotic pets and could no longer care for them when they reached adulthood. 

The animals are all clearly cared for and fed, the admission was reasonable and it isn't hard to get to. The Jungle Zoo was a good afternoon out for us but could use a few more attractions to make the experience a little more interactive and educational. 

The Big Mop Chop

Like many people, I grow my hair, enjoy it for a short period of time, run out of ideas, get fed up with it taking an hour to dry. You get the picture. Inevitably I get a annual short cut. 

Here is my before photo...

Occasionally I drive home with my sunnies on, in tears of instant remorse for the cut. But this time I actually really like it. I had about 6 inches off and kept my full fringe for now. 

This was how the hairdresser styled it, with a diffuser. Here's what it looked like after ...

This is how I have it day to day. Dried naturally with a little serum on to control frizz. 

It's so light and easy and most importantly - low maintenance. I do miss the length and I feel very exposed without hiding behind my hair. But it's takes around 15 mins to dry and style now, which is a huge improvement.

I'm planning to do some more posts on how short hair doesn't mean you have less options. 

 

So keep checking the blog out for tutorials and let me know if you have any requests for updo's or specific styles. 

:) x